Dear God What Now?

Fricken aye!  Just one night-a full eight hours of sleep – why is that so hard to get?  I hear the boards creaking from you walking around upstairs.  I guess that you overslept again and are now running late for work.

Sisters – the things we won’t do for them.  I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock – 11:30 pm – wow, she is really late this time.  I sat up, put on my fuzzy slippers, and trudged toward the stairs.  I love sleeping downstairs because it is cooler and quieter, usually.  Tonight was one of those exceptions since the house decided to let me know where every single footstep landed.

Climbing up the stairs, I noticed that the light was on in the upper hallway, not the norm.  Finally, at the top of the stairs, I saw that all the lights were on.  What the heck was she doing?  We are reduce, reuse, recycle people not turn on all the lights and waist energy people.

Crossing from the hall, through the kitchen toward the living room, I heard a mans voice.  There is no “man” in our house.  I glanced from the kitchen into the living room, expecting to see my daughter sitting on the couch.  If she had decided to come home and get some of her stuff and brought a guy with her to help; that would explain the male voice I was hearing.  Nope, she was not there.

I stopped at the entryway from the kitchen to the living room and called out; “Hello?”  “Amanda?”

“Oh, oh sorry, I just needed to use the bathroom. You have nice pictures.” Replied the man that was now in my upstairs bathroom.


I could not see into the bathroom, which was probably for the best.

I yelled out, “Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?”  I didn’t wait for a reply just turned and ran back to the hall and out the south door.  Somewhere along the way, I subconsciously grabbed the cordless house phone and dialed 911.

When the 911 Operator replied, “What’s your emergency?” I exploded on her.

“There’s some guy in my house I have no clue who the hell he is – help – hurry!”

When I got outside to my car, I realized I had left my stupid keys hanging on their rack right by the door I had just exited – IDIOT!  Thank God, our two faithful huge dogs were with me.  They had developed the bad habit of sleeping in my room at night, usually right on the bed, and followed me everywhere.  You would think that two monster dogs would scare off anyone – not these big giant pansies.

I was still on the phone with the 911 Operator as she tried to calm me and I started toward the road.  She said that Officers were on their way just as I heard the door slam.  I turned on time to see the half-naked man slip into our exterior open porch.  The Monster dogs went over to him; my hope was they would pin him at the very least – nope again.  Their stupid tails were wagging as he spoke to them – traitorous jerks.


Thank you for taking the time to read this far.  I am thinking about writing my first book of stories of my life lessons and this is the first one I remembered.  These will be stories of what I have actually been through and how I got through them with humor.

Please give me your input!  I value my reader’s opinions and would love it if you could provide some on my writing idea.  Good or bad doesn’t matter.  Right now I am just trying to decide if this would be a good start.

Thank you for any contributions to my efforts you share – they are all deeply appreciated!

You can also check me out at: for fun stories from our farm.

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